Johnnie, a romantic tale
“Neither do I normally, but I don’t need my wits about me for the forseeable future.”
Another puzzled look. Peter wondered momentarily at the worldliness of this young lady sitting at the table.
“Peter’s given it all away Johnnie. Going to do nothing for a while.”
Johnnie eyed Peter and looked over her shoulder to Tanya. “Oh, I see.”
Peter shook his head and sighed. He sauntered out to the loungeroom. “I guess I shouldn’t drink much. I forgot about Australia’s strict drink-driving laws.”
“Sleep on the couch, fool.” Tanya replied.
“That’s an idea.” he murmured. “You wanted me over tonight Tanya, did you wanted to talk to me about anything?”
“You know,” she replied from the kitchen, “I did. But I’ve forgotten. So I’ll just settle for my big brother’s company, watch him get drunk and fall over, that sort of thing.”
“I’m trained to fall over eloquently.” Peter said smart-alecky.“Where are all of your men, Tanya?”
“I’ve banished them for tonight. I wanted time with the brother.”
Peter went back into the kitchen. “I’m not stopping you two from hitting the clubs or anything am I?”
“Hell no. No interest in going out at all, not after Tradies with Dad.”
Peter looked at Johnnie, who feigned a large interest in the salad. “What about you, Johnnie, do you have a guy coming around to take you out tonight?”
Johnnie looked up at Peter as if he’d just asked a high-born lady to strip naked and dance the fandango. “No, I don’t. I was reading and playing my games.”
“What games?”
“On my Playstation.”
“Oh. That sounds like fun.”
Tanya was in the corner of the kitchen barely able to contain herself. A spasm of annoyance crossed over Peter’s face. Johnnie seemed to be totally unaware of the by-play between brother and sister, which Peter was grateful for.
Tanya patted Peter’s back and went back into her bedroom. Peter took a seat at the end of the kitchen table from Johnnie and gave his attention to his glass. He felt her covert appraisal again. She finished her meal and cleaned up the dishes. Peter noted that it would be hard to spot her for a female from the back due to the nature of her clothes. The movement of her hands and arms were a pure woman thing though.
“Do you like music, Johnnie?”
She turned about to face him awkwardly, her face a mask of uncertainty. Peter thought then he’d never seen anything more beautiful.
The drink had emboldened him. “Johnnie, I don’t mean to quiz you. You don’t have to answer me.”
“That’d be rude.” she replied quietly.
“It could be, not that I’d take offense.”
Another puzzled look. Peter nodded. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone.”
She nodded glumly and went back to drying the dishes. Peter went into Tanya’s bedroom. He finished his second drink at a gulp. America’s finest was working on him with a vengeance. Tanya sat on the edge of the bed smiling at him archly.
“So, you find me noticing she is alive amusing?”
“Yeah, I do It’s not what I know about you. You’ve changed.”
“She isn’t finding it funny in the least.”
“Shit no, she’d be terrified. A guy in her flat actually opening his mouth to her.”
“Terrified of me? What shit.”
Tanya closed her bedroom door and put on the radio softly to cover up their voices. “Peter, she is used to men totally ignoring her. She is used to all my male friends looking over her, through her, past her, and now, here’s my brother taking a real interest in her. How would you feel?”
“Thrilled to bits personally. Well, hell, I don't know. I can't say I've been in her shoes”
“She probably is thrilled, but - ”
“But what?”
“You’re my brother. I know you. What would you do with Johnnie? She’d interest you for how long, Peter? Until you decided it was time to go back to work and then she’d be shelved like an old book.The bright lights would make her fade away big time brother.”
Peter sighed. “Guess you don’t know me as well as you thought Tanya.”
Tanya admitted this to be true. “You’re also drinking Peter. Are you interested in her or teasing the hell out of her?”
“The former, but I’m probably doing the latter. If not teasing her, making her think what the fuck.”
Tanya stared at her brother steadily. “You really like her, don’t you.”
“She’s beautiful.” he answered softly. “And that isn’t bourbon saying that.”
Tanya hugged her brothers hands. “Ask her out for a walk or something. Take her along the beach.”
“She’ll say no out of habit.”
“What habit? Like who has asked her out for a walk lately?”
“Me. I’m about to go ask her, aren’t I?”
Tanya sat back and laughed. “Damn, my brother thinks dear old Johnnie is hot.”
“She is.”
“You know, she is pretty Peter. If you really look her, she is pretty. She just carries herself like the scruffy boy next door. Joel thought she was a guy.”
“That’s Joel. He looks like a girl.”
Tanya giggled. “I know. Damn little pretty boy he is. Go on, go out and get her out of here for a while.”
Peter went into the bathroom, decorated as it was with a distinctive Tanya touch and washed himself.
Johnnie had gone back to her room. He could hear the music from her video game. He knocked on her door quietly. Johnnie opened the door and was slightly taken aback at seeing Peter there.
“You doing anything right now?”
“I was playing my games.”
“Oh, I see. Feel like coming for a walk?”
“A walk? Where?”
“Along the beachfront, the esplanade or whatever its called nowadays. I miss this part of the world and I’d like your company.”
Johnnie looked back in her room like one woken from a reverie. She turned back to him. Those eyes from under her eyelashes! Peter inhaled deeply.
“Ok then.” She actually looked sincerely happy. She turned off her TV and got her house keys. “Where’s Tanya?”
“In her room drinking herself senseless.”
“Yes, she does that.” Johnnie said, totally non-judgementally. She closed her door behind her and meekly awaited Peter to precede her out the front door.
It was a pleasant night outside, the sea breeze hadn’t come in with the force Peter expected. Instead there was a tranquil hint of a wind.
They crossed over to the park opposite the beach. Peter gestured up toward Kurnell. “Let’s head that way.”
“OK” Johnnie acquiesced.
They got as far as a small playground. peter sat down in a small swing like a child and started rocking back and forth. Johnnie promptly sat herself in the next one.
“It must be hard living with my sister.”
“No, it’s easy. She’s a nice girl.”
“She can be a downright brat when it suits her, but the whole, yeah, she is a nice girl.”
Johnnie laughed politely, a tinkling sound that energized Peter’s sensorium.“She never says much about you. All I knew is that you were overseas.”
“That’s because I asked her to say nothing about me.”
“Oh.”
“It’s a long story, Johnnie, but I’m not a crook or a criminal or anything. And for years, I’ve tried to keep my family from attention. Hard to do when I’m on the other side of the world, but I’m here now and I’ve given it all up.”
“What exactly have you given up?” Johnnie asked him. The fluorescent lights gave her smooth oval face a dreamlike quality Peter found otherworldly.
“My life’s work, essentially. I am – was, a dancer.”
“Oh why?”
“It nearly cost me my family. It’s cost me a lot of friendships, a lot of loves. A lot of quiet time I could’ve had by myself.”
Johnnie laughed. “Wow and you asked me to come with you.”
“I did, didn’t I? I’m home here, not far away.” And he wanted to say that she was the most beautiful thing he’d laid his eyes on. “I’m home now, and totally without goals or direction. I’m unemployed and I’m going to enjoy laziness as much as I can take it.”
“I wish I could do that.” Johnnie remarked.
Peter turned to face her. “I’m going to kill Tanya.”
“Oh wow, why?”
“She told me lived with Johnnie her flatmate. That’s hardly a fair description.”
Johnnie looked at him ingenuously. “What do you mean a fair description?”
“Sometimes simple words don’t tell all there is. And I have to ask, and please don’t hate me for asking.”
“I don’t hate anything.”
“You’re a rarity then. What is your real name?”
Johnnie smiled. “Guess.”
“I wouldn’t have a clue.”
“Give it a shot.”
“Joanne?”
“Close; keep trying. You probably won’t get it.”
“I give up.”
“Johnette. It’s an awful name.” she added.
“Johnette; makes me wish I had a slightly more conversation-piece name now. Well, my name is Peter and that’s what I get called. And your name isn’t awful.”
Johnnie laughed again. “Yeah, it is.” She seemed to be losing some of her awkwardness. Peter didn’t know if it was a breaking of the ice or the fact that neither of them could see each other clearly in the half-light.
“We need to establish something here, Johnnie. We need to establish that your name isn’t bad.”
Johnnie made a vague gesture with her hands. “I’m glad you don’t think it’s bad.”
“Hell girl, your name could be Gretchen for all I care. Like I’m going to run off screaming in the night because your name is short for Johnette.”
It occured to Peter in a flash that Johnnie could’ve been entertaining that theory. That this big brother of Tanya’s was going to get up and go home over her name. The arrogant part of him had a very sorry opinion of this young woman right now, an opinion that had decided that she deserved nobody to notice her or even like her, all for she didn’t have Peter’s ambitions or wasn’t driven like he was.
The here-right-now part of him reminded the rest of him that those opinions had probably cost him some very happy years.
At the age of 34, he was renewing the fine art of flirting with girls.
Johnnie, for her part, swung softly on her swing, hands clasped in front of her, staring at the block of flats ahead of her.
Peter would’ve given the larger part of what fortune he had to hear her thoughts then.
Awkward silence time. Peter nodded to himself. Like in dancing, it was he who had to lead here.
“It’s a shame I’ve been drinking”. He said, “We could’ve driven to Burraneer and sat on the point there or gone up to Taren Point and sat under the bridge.”
“Do you drink much?” she asked him.
“No, I don’t. For years I was strict about it. Now; I’m a little lost here now, so I need a point of reference.”
“Lost? You don’t know where you are? What do you mean by you’re lost?”
Peter blinked a few times. “No, no. I was born and raised in Miranda, Johnnie, I know this place like the back of my hand. I meant; lost as in what am I going to do tomorrow-type lost.”
“Oh, I'm sorry. That must've been a silly question I asked.”
“Do I scare you, Johnnie?”
She looked at him curiously. “No. You bother me though.”
Peter was taken back. “Ack...how?”
“You must be bored, that’s all.”
“Sorry, I don’t see the connection.”
“I’m not much to talk to. You must be bored, sitting here with me and I’ll I’m doing is mumbling back to you. So, you bother me. Why would you want to stay bored?”
“You don’t bore me, au contraire. If you did, I’d be elsewhere.”
She glanced at him again. “Well, you’re strange.”
“I’ve heard that before.” An impulse made him stand up. “Do you want to go back home?”
It took her ten seconds to answer, as if the question Peter had asked her was complex in nature. “No I don’t have to work tomorrow. I’d rather sit out here; it’s nice.”
“OK then, next question. Do you want me here with you or would you rather be alone?”
“You’d have to ask Tanya to let you in, or I could; I have keys.”
“What makes you think I’d want to go back to the flat? I need the fresh air to be honest. Just don’t feel particularly noble about leaving you here on your lonesome.” Peter could not fathom where this meanness was coming from.
Johnnie looked up at the trees and the sky. “It is nice out here tonight.”
“It is; I can’t deny that. Anyhow, I dragged you out here; my fault that you’re here. I may as well linger until you want to go home again.” Why did I say that, he thought. Linger?
“You don’t have to.” She responded quietly.
He looked over at her. “You know my brother Joel?”
She nodded. “Yes, he comes over now and then.”
“Has he asked you out for a walk?”
Johnnie shook her head. “No. I don’t think he ever would want to do that.”
“Not fond of him of him, huh?”
“It's not that, I don't think I'd be his type and I sure wouldn't want me to go walking with him.”
“Just goes to show Joel and me not the same then, hey?”
Johnnie laughed. “No, you aren’t.”
“My younger brother is a fashion victim, Johnnie, in more ways than one. He hasn’t changed much in the four years since I’ve seen him. He still looks like a girl.”
Johnnie laughed again. “Tanya says that too.”
“And I imagine he wouldn’t condescend to talk to you. He’s more stuck up than I am in his own way.”
Johnnie obviously knew what condescend meant. She wrung her hands slightly and stopped swinging.
“Sorry Johnnie, didn’t mean to put it that way.” There was that meanness again.
She sighed. “You’re right though. He doesn’t talk to me.”
“He should, but then, his ways aren’t mine.”
“He’s younger than you, right?”
“Yes, I’m the oldest and Tanya is the youngest. Joel comes in the middle.”
“Tanya and him argue a lot. Sometimes I can hear it over my TV or my stereo. I think if he wasn’t her brother, she’d really dislike him.”
Peter laughed. “They got on alright tonight. Then again, maybe it was for my benefit, who knows? He bullied her like nothing on Earth growing up.”
“He still does.”
“I have a soft spot for Tanya, I always have. She’s always been my little baby sister, until other things changed my priorities and my life. Not sure whether she wants to be little baby sister any more. I still can’t get over how she’s lost weight. Slim little svelte woman now, moves around with lots of self-assurance. It’s good to see.”
Johnnie started swinging again. “How are you stuck up?”
It seemed to Peter that she had to pluck up courage to ask that. “Not sure. You tell me why me saying hello to you was such a big deal and I’ll try to tell you why I’m stuck up.”
“Guess I’m not used to Tanya’s friends saying anything to me.”
“Or one of her brothers.”
“Yeah, or one of her brothers. I’m used to it.”
“So, was it a good or a bad thing that I opened my mouth to you?”
“I don’t know.”
Peter sat down again. “Anyone ever told you you have very striking eyes?”
“No.”
Part of Peter was telling him he was talking to a withdrawn little sad case that neither needed nor wanted attention. Another part told him that this girl was aching in his presence, as awkward and uncommunicative she was making it. Any type of compliment, no matter how genuine in intent, would either go over her head or be deflected by whatever wall she had made around herself. Peter understood that he was dealing with a young woman that had no expectations set for herself in regard to admiration and had resigned herself to being the ignored person in the life of any man who chanced her way.
It occurred to Peter that it was possible his talk and questions were being received as a dare or as a stirring up of stilled waters. That she was not really aware that he was out here with her because he wanted to be; that he was out here for Tanya had dared him or he was bored and nothing better had presented itself.
So, he thought, what am I out here with this shy little individual for?
What indeed and why? Peter glanced at Johnnie. She was sitting, hands on the swing rope, looking blandly ahead.
“Would it be rude if I asked your age?”
She looked at him. “I’m two weeks younger than Tanya.”
He gaped at her. “You serious? You’re 25 as well?”
She nodded mutely.
“Damn. I hadn’t picked you for a day over 19.”
“Yeah, Tanya says I look a lot younger too.”
“I wish I did.”
“Tanya did tell me how old you were, but I’ve forgotten, I’m sorry.”
“I’m 34, Johnnie.”
“I don’t normally forget things like that.” She studied the ground in front of her. “You don’t look your age either.”
“Do I look older or younger?”
She looked at him again, a slightly offended cast to her face. “Younger. Why would I think or say you look older? I don’t insult people like that.”
“I’m not easily insulted Johnnie, don’t worry about offending me.”
“I guess I am worried about it. I don't normally offend people.”
“Worried about insulting me or you’re easily offended?”
She chewed over a response. “I don’t want to offend anyone because I am easily offended.”
“Do unto others, huh? Good philosophy.” He came to a decision. “You know Johnnie, I don’t know what to say to you. I appreciate I’m a stranger to you and that you don’t me from Adam and all that, but if you don’t want to be talked to; say so. I’ll go back to your’s and Tanya’s flat and just get drunk with her. Is it want I’d like to do? No, but I’m used to doing things I don’t want to do. It’s like you’ve made your mind up that talking to me is a lost cause and why bother for he’ll be gone tomorrow type scenario. I can’t help feeling that.” He stood up and without giving her a chance to speak he said, “I don’t like you being out here by yourself. It’s my fault you are here so let me walk you back to your flat.” Why, oh why, must I be Peter Cameron, he thought.
Johnnie’s face was unreadable in the muted light of the street lights. She still swung back and forth gently. He could tell from the tilt of her head that her gaze was somewhere on the ground before her.
“Why are you talking to me then?” she asked quietly, and not without a trace of bitterness.
Peter, when asked, could never answer why he said the following except to say it was the most natural thing to say. “Because you’re pretty and everyone deserves friendship and company, even me. I find you an extraordinarily beautiful girl, like nobody I’ve seen. It’s a shame that the girl who goes with the name of Johnnie has apparently closed up shop and given up on everything remotely to do with being admired and liked.”
Peter turned around, taken aback by his own honesty. “You know, Johnnie, I want nothing from you. Nothing at all. I’m not here to take anything you have except a little bit of your time to go for a walk or maybe just talk about stuff. I’m sorry I even asked you for that, Johnnie.” Why did I say that?
Johnnie got off her swing and briskly walked back to the flat, not saying a word, never looking anywhere but straight ahead, leaving Peter to stare at her receding figure with a mind full of clouds.
Oh well, he thought. I go for a walk by myself then.
He walked up and down the length of the beach-side parks and it well after midnight when he returned to his sister’s flat. He was quite sober now and would’ve gotten in his car and left when he discovered the keys were in the flat.
He couldn’t help but laugh. Walking around the block of flats he saw his sister’s light on. Johnnie’s light was off, which could’ve meant anything. He shrugged and went up to the door and knocked on it.
A very inebriated Tanya let him in. Peter smiled at her ruefully and went straight for his keys. “Well sis, time I went home to Dad’s and resumed normal programming. Thanks for the invite over here.”
“Where have you been?” she asked.
“Walking along the beach-front. Not doing much. Just walking. Could’ve done that all by myself from the get go, but oh no, I had to open my mouth in the worst possible way.”
Tanya peered into his face. “What did you say to her?” she asked, as quietly as her state of mind would allow. “What the hell did you say to her?”
“Nothing overly offensive. Well shit, I was probably totally offensive with her. I was just a bit honest with her, that's all. I should’ve just talked shit and discussed the weather. Probably would’ve been better that way. From her point of view, I’m probably not welcome over here. You know where I live if you want to see me, sis.”
Tanya hugged him. “I’ll call you tomorrow; I’m too drunk to talk about it at the moment, and you’re always welcome here. My flat as much as it is hers.”
“Take care sis, I’ll hear from you tomorrow.”
Old habits died hard. Peter didn’t think much of anything as he drove home, nor as he went to bed. His lifelong habit of dealing with events professionally had forced the episode into the “written off, to be forgotten ASAP” category of his mind.
He got up about noon, to find his father out of the house and the place to himself. He checked a calendar. Yes, today was Sunday; Dad would be out on the George’s River fishing. A note on the kitchen table endorsed that.
Peter showered and dressed and found himself something to eat. An article in the Sunday paper reminded him of last night. He grimaced and sat back on the chair looking down into his coffee.
He found a perverse humour in the situation and chuckled to himself. “What the fuck possessed me to do that.” he said.
Despite his convictions, he glanced at the phone. He replayed the call waiting. No messages. Looks like Tanya hadn’t rang. He rang her mobile phone number and got her messaging service. He left a message and resumed reading the paper.
About four o’clock, someone knocked on the door. It was Joel.
“Hey brother, how goes it? Come around to see what you’re up to.”
Peter let Joel in. “Not a whole lot, just hanging around, as the saying goes.”
“You look like you had a hard night man.”
“Didn’t drink that much...had more issues with Tanya’s flatmate than anything else.”
“Her flatmate?” Joel looked puzzled. “Oh, that Joline girl or whatever her name is.”
Peter looked up at Joel. “Johnnie yeah. I sort of upset her somewhat.”
Joel took a seat and looked at Peter speculatively. “Well, from what I know about you, I’m not sure what the issues would be here.”
“You do know who I’m talking about now?”
“Yeah, Tanya’s flatmate. From what I know, she lives in her room, so I’m a little confused over what could’ve happened.”
“Haha, I asked her to come out of her room for a while. That’s what happened. I don’t think Tanya is too impressed about it either.”
“No, she seemed fucking irate about something when I saw her.”
“Where did you see her?”
“Hurstville Plaza.”
“Ah. Irate with me or something else.”
“Something else, I think. She didn’t mention you, so I figure in retrospect she may be mad about something else.”
Peter shrugged. “I really wouldn’t know what’s going on. She was meant to call me and I just tried calling her and her phone is turned off. She probably is cranky as hell with me. I may have, how would you put it, soured things a little between her and her flatmate.”
Peter gave Joel a brief synopsis of events. Joel looked at Peter oddly. “You think Johnnie is attractive?”
“Keep the she looks like a man bullshit to yourself if that’s what you’re going to say.”
“I haven’t had a real good look at her, so, no, I wasn't going to say that. Man, if you find her attractive, then there you go. But, the times I’ve seen her, she’s dressed like a guy. Nothing wrong that, casual fashions and all that.”
Peter nodded. “Each to their own. I suppose she didn’t appreciate my home truth lesson. Then, who the fuck am I to give them?”
Peter didn’t really want to talk to Joel about any of this. Joel was never a type he could honestly say he shared confidences with.
“She ain’t the last girl on Earth, and I thought getting involved with a woman would be one of the last things you’d want to do.”
“No, I’m not keen on the idea of playing the dating game. So, let’s just take that as a good thing.”
Joel and Peter spent time discussing nothing in particular until Dad came out about eight. He’d netted some choice octopus and the three busied themselves with making a seafood dinner.
He’d forgotten the entire affair until Tanya came over about nine that night. Joel had already left and Peter and Dad were watching cricket on TV.
Tanya hugged Dad and Peter and sat down for a while. “I can’t stay long, I have to work tomorrow. Sorry for not ringing you up Peter, but I’d figured you’d have forgotten it by now.”
“I just about had.”
“OK then.”
The three of them talked family talk for a while until Tanya had to leave. Peter went out with Tanya to her car. “I’m sorry if I created dramas between you and your flatmate.”
“You forgotten her name already?”
“No, her name is Johnette and she goes by Johnnie.” Peter sighed. “Out with it, sis. Don’t spare me.”
Tanya looked at him queerly. “Don’t spare you? It’s not you I was mad with.”
“What reason you got to be mad with anyone else? I was downright rude to her.”
“Plenty.” Tanya looked around. “You know, it probably is neither here nor there now. You said you’d nearly forgotten it and I know you. She’ll be ancient history with you by tomorrow morning.”
“If she had any sense, I’d be forgotten by now. Hell, do apologize to her for me anyway. I was thoroughly out of place saying what I said.”
He gave Tanya a rundown. Tanya laughed. “Yeah, that’s what she told me too.”
“So, why the fuck are you mad with her?”
Tanya looked hard into Peter’s eyes. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Try me.”
“Peter, what are you after here?”
“About?”
“Let me ask you; why did you ask Johnnie to go for a walk?”
“I really don’t know. Some impulse I guess.”
“Impulse? On a whim you asked her out for a walk? Is that right?”
Peter knew the answer but was hesitant to tell Tanya. “Maybe I have a reason why. Impulse is probably the wrong word. She reminded me of something.”
“Something or someone?”
“Hell Tanya, she is like no-one else on Earth.”
Tanya nodded. “I thought so.I knew you thought that about her. But what did she remind you of?”
“She reminded me of people who know what it can be like to love and be loved in return. She reminded me that above and beyond everything someone can own or have, that people like her live. Tanya, I’ll be honest with you. If I had have kept looking at her out in your kitchen, I would’ve fallen in love as ridiculous as that sounds.”
Tanya smiled at her brother. “I knew someone would rock her world one day. Never would’ve guessed it would’ve been you though. You’ve rocked her world alright. She’s been sitting on the lounge fucking staring at the carpet for most of the day.”
“So, why are you mad with her?”